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Dear Detached,
Recently, I just went through the same thing, let me tell you about my situation first.
Guy knows girl, good friends of 3 years, guy contemplating to confess, finally did, things look hopeful, but it all ends in a single night, guy distressed to see a 3 year relationship go down as a fling, leaves breathing space, girl lets him in, now together.
I really can't hit any advise, you have to be more elaborate about the events in between.
In my case, I realised the hostility with each other after the fateful night(no intercourse just making out). And I said we needed a break from each other. Eventually she realised her feelings and we got together.
Maybe you just have to ensure her that incoporating you into her life would be anything but a tie-down. Leave her on her own and if she finds that mutual attraction is there, maybe things would pave itself from there. But as her exams are incoming, you might face problems of her being distracted enough not to think about relationships thus losing your chance.
Secondly, if trying to salvage a friendship, express your thoughts clearly that you have realised that you have made an irrational and foolish choice and would like to remain as friends. Awkwardness is bound to barricade your friendship with her in the future but I guess that's the price to pay for a confession that doesn't work out between good friends. You might be faced with avoidance and a closed heart from her side, only time can resolve this.
I hope for you that this ends up in a relationship as it would be better and also not to lose a good friend if it doesn't work out. On my side I feel that, it's not the case whether you get the girl now but rather not to lose a good friend.
Emotional aggression towards her now would only aggrevate matters and push her further away.
Sincerely,
Tim
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Originally posted by Detached:
My dear fellow forumers,
A little embarrassing, I was always the one giving advices here. But I seek the wisdom of the wiser, please guide me.
Just a few hours ago, I had a chance to deliberate and to make a case of why we should even be trying. And I managed to screw it up badly, I was too impulsive; too rash...
No, we weren't in a relationship; so technically this is not another breakup problem. Nevertheless, it's still distressing. This is probably an example of Guy met Girl; Guy professed his admiration. Things seemed pretty hopeful, on second thought not that hopeful and things don't work out. With a few twists, of course.
We were discoursing on a few issues; more notably on how is she going to get out of her comfort zone (of being alone) to incorporate someone into a life she's already so familiar with. She compared a relationship with a ball and chain; like a burden and something unpleasant. Using a couch as an analogy, she is also a person that would like the couch for herself - she sees the sharing of space as an intrusion. She is somebody who values her personal space, sense of inner peace and she's very independant.
We also talked 'bout the difference in our age - she's a year older and for me to catch up with her I'd have to be on the double. That I do not find an issue though, I am in a hurry myself. I am in a hurry to climb up the ladder; to make my mark. And I am confident that I'd be able to.
In the event I made her sounded like some self-absorbed prick, I can assure you she isn't - she was very kind and considerate. I'm sure everyone of us went through some major shit at some point of our lives and it changed our perspectives of things altogether, it was the same for me too. Some people became more affectionate; others more cynical and detached.
I believe I said a lot of things that I truly regret; I may even be lamenting that little confession to her. Because tonight, I may have lost more than a romantic interest. I may have lost a very dear friend - that special friend that brings me joy and that special friend that I share a connection with.
We ended on quite a bad note, which probably mean that she may not want to talk to me again. Please spare me of the usual "Learn to Let Go" and "Take Things Easy" gibberish , I seek a solution and I'm in need of a plan. If you can offer a new perspective, I'd glad.
/puts on flame suit and heaves a sigh
Yours soulfully,
Detached
P.S. I just realized the length of my essay and I apologize - Verbosity, my weakness. Content of main post is subjected to change at any point I decided if I've missed out something or if I want to omit something
wow is this your true love?
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Originally posted by Gosu.:
Dear Detached,
Recently, I just went through the same thing, let me tell you about my situation first.
Guy knows girl, good friends of 3 years, guy contemplating to confess, finally did, things look hopeful, but it all ends in a single night, guy distressed to see a 3 year relationship go down as a fling, leaves breathing space, girl lets him in, now together.
I really can't hit any advise, you have to be more elaborate about the events in between.
In my case, I realised the hostility with each other after the fateful night(no intercourse just making out). And I said we needed a break from each other. Eventually she realised her feelings and we got together.
Maybe you just have to ensure her that incoporating you into her life would be anything but a tie-down. Leave her on her own and if she finds that mutual attraction is there, maybe things would pave itself from there. But as her exams are incoming, you might face problems of her being distracted enough not to think about relationships thus losing your chance.
Secondly, if trying to salvage a friendship, express your thoughts clearly that you have realised that you have made an irrational and foolish choice and would like to remain as friends. Awkwardness is bound to barricade your friendship with her in the future but I guess that's the price to pay for a confession that doesn't work out between good friends. You might be faced with avoidance and a closed heart from her side, only time can resolve this.
I hope for you that this ends up in a relationship as it would be better and also not to lose a good friend if it doesn't work out. On my side I feel that, it's not the case whether you get the girl now but rather not to lose a good friend.
Emotional aggression towards her now would only aggrevate matters and push her further away.
Sincerely,
Tim
Very detailed analysis of the situation, I thank you for the time and effort. I believe I've send you a private message in response of what you said.
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Originally posted by Detached:
I'm contemplating that, but the situation is so sticky. And with her exams coming up, I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do.
Ahh, curse me.
Dun stress her then.. called her.. ask her to take care even thou its her exams and make her feel relax.. dun talk anything about love or anything about u two..
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